


Alone

by SeptiplierAwayyy



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF, Youtubers
Genre: Angst, Angst For The Angst God, Anxiety Attack?, George is really sad guys, I don't know how much of this there will be, I needed to write out my emotions one night and this happened, Implied Relationships, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mentioned Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Sad GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), dont expect many updates, emotions are hard, implied GeorgeNotFound x Dream, implied past argument, mentioned bad and skeppy, this is mostly for venting, walk in the middle of the night, you can also see bad and skeppy as dating or not, you can read it as George and Dream are just friends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-16 11:21:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29081565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeptiplierAwayyy/pseuds/SeptiplierAwayyy
Summary: Basically I needed to vent, and I used George to write my feelings out. (Title subject to change. PS, I don't know how much of this there will be. And updates will be infrequent.)
Kudos: 11





	1. Trying to Numb the Pain

George sat up in the bed he was laying in, glancing around the unfamiliar pitch black room. He let out a soft sigh as he finally set his feet on the carpet, standing. He felt lightheaded despite taking his time to sit up, his vision disappearing for just a second before coming back.

He quietly stepped through the room after slipping his phone into his pocket, running a hand through his dirty, messy hair. He tried not to be too loud- at least, not loud enough to wake Bad or Skeppy in their room- as he made his way out of the house, shivering at the cold air that surrounded him once he was out.

The air, though cold, felt nice- so much nicer than the suffocating air from the room he was staying in. It felt fresh, almost free.

George curled into the green hoodie he wore, shoving his hands into the pocket to mess with his phone. Another sigh escaped him, though, this time, a faint smile spread across his face.

It felt nice to be out so late, smelling the rain in the air as he walked down the sidewalk.

His chest ached, though it was much more manageable than before. He could actually breathe, and his eyes weren’t stinging.

He felt numb- but he was okay with that.

The British male didn’t really pay much attention where he was going, following the yellow glow of street lamps ahead of him. On rare occasions, a car would drive by him- but other than that, George was alone.

He wasn’t quite sure if he preferred that.

George glanced around at the trees, which swayed gently in the wind, rustling the leaves. If you looked at the leaves close enough, you could see they were beginning to die. A few stores that he walked past were open- but they were very few and far between, mostly being coffee shops.

His heart ached.

George’s eyes fell on a small, black cat running across the road, disappearing into the black of night in the blink of an eye. He blinked a couple times, looking both ways before making his way across the street, too.

He couldn’t help but let his mind wander- after all, the only real distraction he had now was him walking. And while that was helping, it wasn’t much.

It was finally decided that he didn’t really enjoy being alone. Normally he felt okay with being alone, but right now- everything hurt. He felt so alone, and small. And while he knew- he  _ knew-  _ it wasn’t true, he felt like everyone hated him. That he was  _ meant _ to be hated, not meant for lo-

George shook his head, ignoring the stinging at the back of his eyes and the aching in his heart. He looked up into the night sky, not a single star in sight due to the clouds- though you were still able to see the moon, shining brightly.

Then his walls broke down, a river of salty tears running down his cheeks. He was hardly able to keep a sob back as he paused on the sidewalk, keeping his eyes on the sky above him.

God, he felt so alone.

The aching became a throbbing pain in his chest, thoughts echoing loudly in his mind as he freely let the tears fall from his eyes.

_ He doesn’t care. _

_ He’s never going to talk to you again. _

_ He never cared about you. _

_ You don't deserve him. _

_ He deserves better. _

_ You’re alone. _

_ No one cares. _

_ He’s never coming back to you. _

_ You’re going to lose him forever. _

_ It’s your fault. _

_ You’re the problem. _

**_He will never love you._ **

George let out a sob, hyper aware of how loud it sounded in the quiet of the night. He held a hand over his mouth, hearing his heart beating loudly against his chest. It was painful- why was that the only thing he could feel now?

He could feel his tears already starting to dry up on his face, but the pain in his chest wasn’t leaving- the loneliness refused to leave him be, just like his thoughts. He couldn’t do anything- he couldn’t move, his own arms wrapped around his torso in an attempt to comfort himself.

George took in a shaky, deep breath- focusing all of his energy on making himself just feel numb again, to feel nothing at all, other than a light throbbing. To his surprise, it worked. The pain in his chest dulled as he built those walls back up, stronger than he did before.

He still hurt, but at least it felt a little more manageable.


	2. Cold and Hurting

George stared at his phone home screen in silence. He had no clue how long he had been sitting there, just staring, for- time was passing by him without any concern to him, as pretty much everything, and everyone, did.

His heart was aching, yet it throbbed numbly in his chest, one of the only reminders that he was still even alive and in the moment. It wasn’t quite painful- at least, not the kind of painful you’d expect-, but nonetheless, George hated it.

He hated anything that reminded him he was alone at the moment. The silence was loud, his head throbbing, his chest in pain. His eyes were stinging, adding to the throbbing in his head. It all hurt, and nothing was distracting him.

He was cold, laying there all by himself.

George hated feeling so…  _ dependent _ on a person. Dependent on them making him happy, or feeling anything at all- he hated the craving he felt for any sort of physical affection, but only wanting it from one person. He hated the feeling of wanting to talk to someone, especially about his issues, or his loneliness.

But he also hated being independent and far away from other people. While he liked his distance from time to time, he still enjoyed hanging out with his friends- being with the people he cared about most. He liked doing his own thing.

It was so contradicting, and George hated it. He hated it almost as much as he hated how he was feeling right now.

  
  


_ Dream: hey _

  
  


George was knocked from his thoughts at the message from Dream, his heart warming up in his chest for just a moment before returning to the throbbing cold it was before. He clicked on the message.

  
  


_ George: hi _

  
  


The conversation already felt so forced.

He and Dream had started talking again recently- just within the past couple days-, though it wasn’t much. Just a few conversations here and there throughout the day, most of their conversations, the longer ones, happening in the middle of the night, like it was now.

George hated how much he missed Dream within the short span of time they didn’t talk to each other. He hated it so much.

He had fallen back on so many of his old habits, his old thoughts and thinking patterns. It felt like he did nothing for the past week or two other than sit in bed, stare off, cry to himself while trying to stay quiet, and building his walls back up- the walls he had tried to break down himself, with Dream.

  
  


_ Dream: I cant believe youre still awake right now _

_ Dream: normally youre asleep at this time _

  
  


Yeah, well, his mind wasn’t being too kind to him- but Dream didn’t need to know that.

  
  


_ George: yeah _

_ George: just cant sleep i guess _

  
  


He felt bad for lying. He felt bad for not talking about his feelings to Dream- he wanted to. He really did. But he couldn’t bring himself to, he couldn’t bring himself to open up again, something in him yelling to never speak up again, so his heart can’t be broken. So he doesn’t bother anyone else.

But the urge to speak up, like Dream had told him to do many times, is so strong.

  
  


_ Dream: you ok? _

  
  


And just like that, the stinging at the back of his eyes was back- but then there were tears, streaming down his cheeks in rivers as he pulled his knees closer to his chest. He felt his stomach starting to ache from eating so little recently.

  
  


_ George: yeah _

_ George: im all good _

_ Dream: thats good _

  
  


If only Dream could see George right now.

  
  


_ Dream: im here if you need to talk, k? _

_ George: ok _

_ George: im gonna try to sleep _

_ George: goodnight _

_ Dream: sleep well _

  
  


George turned off his phone and placed it face down on the bed. He hated the loneliness that overcame him as soon as he turned off his phone, he hated the want to just sit and  _ cuddle _ with someone. He hated the feeling of guilt that washed over him- for lying and for wanting to message Dream again already, to talk to him, out of his own selfish desire.

But he battled with these, and other, thoughts alone, in the room he was starting to grow accustomed to, like he had been doing for the past week or so. Like he used to. Like he was used to.


End file.
